Just recently, one of my clients asked me to perform a reading for her to garner some information that was needed. It was an immensely serious, angering matter – and one of her questions to me was, “Why are the gods such assholes?”
I think one of the duties of any theologian is to carefully examine these statements, for therein lies a bountiful amount of theological material that helps us understand the gods, the community, each other, and ourselves. And I think that the more painful, the more angry, the more outrageous, the more difficult and hard-to-swallow that the statement is, the more important it is to make theological inquiry.
Anger is a part of my devotional life, not only as a powerful energy that I work with but also a strong presence in deities and entities I work with, such as the Unseelie Fae. I work with cruel…
I am used to dark gods, dark Creatures. I am used to the ripping, to the terrifying snarls in Their souls and the rageful gnashing of teeth. I have seen, heard, been through things you wouldn’t fucking believe. I am deeply understanding, connected to, harsh Beings. I am used to being blown from the water, suddenly ripped out and placed somewhere new, and going through the agony that comes with such change.
So when the All-Mother stepped into my life, Her touches were calm, almost sweet. They were subtle and gentle. She didn’t tear apart the room as Cernunnos, Maeve, the Unseelie had done; She swept in gently, commanding the space while watching quietly in attention. She had all the marks of a Great Queen: firm and precise, yet strangely approachable.
And those soft hands of Hers – that subtle way She came in and greeted me – that Presence that promised to solidify itself in my life panicked me more than any bloody vision, mad and furious Husband, or any sight of a water-horse brutally tearing one of Their Own apart.
Jormungandr? Yes. Angrboða? I am comfortable with Her. Kelpies, gryffins, dark beings that suck the life-marrow out of you? They are most welcome in my Home.
But Frigg? Frigg?
My terror of the All-Mother borders of severe adoration. But it is still terror. It is still feelings of unworthiness with the pure mess around me and the pure mess within me.
And yet – yet – She has been kind, and patient, and understanding. I am most grateful to Her.
Since She has stepped in, She has been a source of protection and strength. She has deepens my understanding of what it means to be a Queen and what it means to be a Warror. In all seriousness, She does not approach me solely as a devotee, or as a child, or as a friend. The strongest manner in which I can compare Her approach to is a Queen teaching another Queen how to be a Queen. It’s sort of like I am being mentored by Her on how to run a ‘kingdom’ and how to become a better Queen in order to be of service to others (because that’s really what sovereigns are – They are high servants). At the same time She is focused with me on developing my other Queen side, the wandering one: the Seer or the seiðrkona.
I feel Her presence around me constantly. Whenever I go to a museum, or I go out at all, She walks with me as if we were two Queens walking in a garden, perhaps speaking of diplomacy as we appreciate the fine aesthetics of the world around us. Her back is straight, Her hands are folded before Her, Her eyes are attentive (but They hide so much!), and Her dress strokes the floor with every regal step. She urges me to not slouch, to keep my back straight and my carriage refined and graceful. Your Body is a Palace, She teaches me. Poise, grace, carriage – these things are not merely physical cultivations. They are spiritual cultivations as well. Take care in what comes in and what comes out.
She is now present in my divinations. Now, every time I perform a Seership service, I pour out tea into a vintage tea-cup I had gifted Her (with Her permission) and do things at Her direction. If spirits and gods are present, She teaches me a protocol of welcome. She speaks to me and gives counsel to the querent, all the while teaching me the deeper, more complex subtleties of Sight through example. She confirms readings and corrects me when I make a mistake – gently, but firmly, in a way that secures that the mistake will be learned from and not repeated.
In less than an hour She showed me a much different way of Seering. Usually, how I Seer is explained in the imagery of a Lake. I immerse myself completely into the Lake; from there, I See all things. However, I will say that any kind of Seership where immersion is present and sustained for long period is not only highly dangerous but energetically taxing; one is essentially Linking their energy to someone else’s and sacrificing one’s form in order to See.
Frigg instead shows me a tapestry, constantly woven even as I Seer; one long, thick braid trails down the tapestry resembling a witch’s ladder, and I realize that each charm/bone/object woven into the tapestry is the physical representation of fixed points in one’s life. In each charm/object was a swirling galaxy, showing me each situation with clarity and depth. (It took me a moment to realize that I was actually looking at this person’s wyrd, and I am still not over the shock and awe).
Slowly – slowly – She is enacting great changes in my life. She is taking Her time, but not a second late nor a second early. It is clear to me that Frigg came in order to help change me, this slow but sure and total change. With Her, with Everyone, I am becoming something and someone else. Her voice is measured, Her touch guiding, and Her Presence is powerful.
My Life is changing in Her hands. Slowly, order is being restored alongside lessons of how to keep things clean and organized. I am being taught how to be mindful and how to properly serve. She quite literally holds my tapestry, and She allows me to see how She weaves the threads of my wyrd. She shows me only a small braid, just what She is working out for me to observe… but I swear that, out of the corner of my eye, the rope of fixed points is thicker with charms and bones than with thread.
I am grateful for Frigg in my life. And I hope that I will listen, I will learn, and I will serve.